I keep thinking about that Tim McGraw song, "My Next Thirty Years." My life is kind of like a country song, but that's a whole 'nother blog post. So instead of focusing on
My Next Thirty Years
"I think I'll take a moment to celebrate my age,"--- A moment is just about all I will devote to celebrating. Like I said before, I don't
"the ending of an era, the turning of a page,"--- My early/mid twenties were all about me. I worked all the time, and when I was not working I could usually be found on a barstool. Then I got married and had children, so the latter part of my twenties has been about my family. Since I ended the "typical twenties behavior" era a little early, this birthday won't really signify the ending of an era. However, I do plan to "turn the page" to a new me. I'm not big on New Year's resolutions, but I will use this milestone birthday as an excuse to get myself together. I
"now it's time to focus on where I go from here,"--- We have done a lot of "starting over" in the past year, so where do we go from here has been kind of a theme. I feel like I've just been floating for the last 10 months with no real focus or goals. I am extremely goal oriented, though I don't usually set achievement type goals for myself. So, I guess I'm really more task oriented. If I'm going to be successful I need a plan, and I need a breakdown of step-by-step exactly how things are going to happen. No more floating... I'm throwing out the anchor and focusing on being successful at work and at home.
"Lord have mercy on my next thirty years."--- 'nuff said
"Hey my next thirty years I'm gonna have some fun,"--- I really need to be more social, seriously. We have no life outside of work and home, and as much as I love spending time with my girls we need to make more of an effort to do adult things, too. I had A LOT of fun in my first thirty, and I want my next thirty to be just as exciting.
"try to forget about all the crazy things I've done."--- My dad used to love to tell us stories about all the crazy things he did as a teenager. I'm ready to tuck away my crazy days stories, but I'll be happy to pull them back out when my children are old enough to learn a lesson from them!
"Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears"--- Adolescent fears? I used to be fearless. I think my fears have come with age. I am scared of everything these days. On the way to New Orleans I found myself plotting how I would save my children if we were to somehow drive off the bridge. I am literally sweating thinking about it right now, and I was nauseous as we drove over the bridge then. I am now and forever scared of bridges.
"and I'll do it better in my next thirty years."--- I'll definitely do things better, but I think that is just part of maturing. Finally, at 30 I have confidence in myself. I know what I'm good at (and what I'm not) and I try steer clear of those things I'm not particularly good at.
"My next thirty years I'm gonna settle all the scores,"--- What does this mean? I'm not really sure if I have scores to settle. Is this like making up with someone after a fight? I have changed A LOT since having children. I try very hard not to think/speak/act in a way that I would not want my children to, or that would make them not proud to call me their mom. I'm not always successful (I love some juicy gossip), but I've been trying really hard to be a better person in general. So, if I have done anything in the past thirty years to hurt you, I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'd like a clean slate for the next thirty, so I hope we can consider that score settled.
"cry a little less, laugh a little more"--- I can't make any promises on this one, but I'll try. I think all of the above changes will help make this possible.
"Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear,"--- Wouldn't we all like to do this? This is exactly what I want for my children... to live in a world of happiness without the hatred and fear that comes from ignorance. Even at two (almost three) years old, Hannah has been introduced to prejudice. THIS DOES NOT COME FROM OUR HOME. She doesn't understand, and neither do I. Why can't we all just get along? I digress.
"Figure out just what I'm doing here, in my next thirty years."--- I'm getting there. Slowly, but surely I'm finding "my place" in this world.
"Oh my next thirty years I'm gonna watch my weight, eat a few more salads and not stay up so late. Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers."--- I'm pretty sure I already touched on this one, but I'll say it again. I'm sick of being unhealthy and out of shape. NO MORE EXCUSES... I have this written on a post it note on my bathroom mirror. I see it every morning and it has become my mantra.
"Maybe I'll remember my next thirty years."--- I'm pretty sure he's talking about alcohol induced forgetting. I don't really have that problem anymore. I do have a problem remembering things, and it is because I've let myself become disorganized. My life, home, and mind are all cluttered. I'm going to start focusing on decluttering in hopes that this will delay the feelings of early onset that I've been experiencing.
"My next thirty years will be the best years of my life."--- This is obvious. There is nothing better than watching my girls grow up. Their childhood years will definitely be the best years of my life.
"Raise a little family and hang out with my wife."--- Well, hang out with my hubs, but you get the idea. It is no secret that I loved growing up in a big family. Jason and I love our cozy, cute little family of four, but I'm pretty sure we'd both say we're not quite done yet.
"Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear,"--- I've been doing this a lot more lately. We have been turning off the tv and playing games. Now that Hannah is a little older this is easier. She loves to play bingo, have dance parties, and recently has been playing "school" where I'm the teacher and she is the mommy who drops her child (her doll, Jenny) off at school and then goes to work. She hands me the doll, tells me what activities we will do for the day, and then goes to work at her office (the other side of the room). It's funny, and a lot more entertaining than most of the shows on tv these days. Not to mention it means my child is interacting with me rather than sitting on the couch. I also hope to spend more time with Jason, just us. We don't do this often enough, or at all really, and it would be nice to have some kid-less time.
"Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years."--- I'm not really sure that I need to make up for lost time, but I am going LIVE more. I want to do more. I want to experience more. I want to try things that make me a little nervous but provide an overwhelming sense of accomplishment (like a marathon, but since I'm terribly out of shape I'll start with a 5K). I want to take a cooking class. I want to get my Masters. I want to learn to sew. I want to take a road trip in an RV with my family.
Tomorrow I turn the corner to a new decade. It's a sharp turn, and instead of turning on my blinker and slowing down I think I'll speed up.
