On the eve of my thirtieth birthday...

Tomorrow's the big day.  I have no plans to celebrate.  I don't even want a cake.  This birthday is the biggest, most monumental yet, and I'm trying really hard to make it big and monumental for good reasons.

I keep thinking about that Tim McGraw song, "My Next Thirty Years."  My life is kind of like a country song, but that's a whole 'nother blog post.  So instead of focusing on the fact that I'm old, I have enough gray hairs to consider covering them, and I am no longer in my twenties leaving my youth behind, I thought I would dissect this song and share my plans for the next thirty years.  (NOTE: If you don't know the song consider yourself lucky.  I love Tim McGraw, but not everyone does.  This is not about the song, just the point it makes.)

My Next Thirty Years
"I think I'll take a moment to celebrate my age,"--- A moment is just about all I will devote to celebrating.  Like I said before, I don't want need a cake.  I think I'd rather it just be a normal day that passes quietly by.
"the ending of an era, the turning of a page,"--- My early/mid twenties were all about me.  I worked all the time, and when I was not working I could usually be found on a barstool.  Then I got married and had children, so the latter part of my twenties has been about my family.  Since I ended the "typical twenties behavior" era a little early, this birthday won't really signify the ending of an era.  However, I do plan to "turn the page" to a new me.  I'm not big on New Year's resolutions, but I will use this milestone birthday as an excuse to get myself together.  I want to, need to, MUST start taking better care of myself physically, spiritually and emotionally.  I have learned recently that if I want to the best mother/wife I can be then there has to be some time for me.  And, if I feel better that is reflected in my work, and the way I interact with people in general.
"now it's time to focus on where I go from here,"--- We have done a lot of "starting over" in the past year, so where do we go from here has been kind of a theme.  I feel like I've just been floating for the last 10 months with no real focus or goals.  I am extremely goal oriented, though I don't usually set achievement type goals for myself.  So, I guess I'm really more task oriented.  If I'm going to be successful I need a plan, and I need a breakdown of step-by-step exactly how things are going to happen.  No more floating... I'm throwing out the anchor and focusing on being successful at work and at home.
"Lord have mercy on my next thirty years."--- 'nuff said
"Hey my next thirty years I'm gonna have some fun,"--- I really need to be more social, seriously.  We have no life outside of work and home, and as much as I love spending time with my girls we need to make more of an effort to do adult things, too.  I had A LOT of fun in my first thirty, and I want my next thirty to be just as exciting.
"try to forget about all the crazy things I've done."--- My dad used to love to tell us stories about all the crazy things he did as a teenager.  I'm ready to tuck away my crazy days stories, but I'll be happy to pull them back out when my children are old enough to learn a lesson from them!
"Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears"--- Adolescent fears?  I used to be fearless.  I think my fears have come with age.  I am scared of everything these days.  On the way to New Orleans I found myself plotting how I would save my children if we were to somehow drive off the bridge.  I am literally sweating thinking about it right now, and I was nauseous as we drove over the bridge then.  I am now and forever scared of bridges.
"and I'll do it better in my next thirty years."--- I'll definitely do things better, but I think that is just part of maturing.  Finally, at 30 I have confidence in myself.  I know what I'm good at (and what I'm not) and I try steer clear of those things I'm not particularly good at.
"My next thirty years I'm gonna settle all the scores,"--- What does this mean? I'm not really sure if I have scores to settle.  Is this like making up with someone after a fight?  I have changed A LOT since having children.  I try very hard not to think/speak/act in a way that I would not want my children to, or that would make them not proud to call me their mom.  I'm not always successful (I love some juicy gossip), but I've been trying really hard to be a better person in general.  So, if I have done anything in the past thirty years to hurt you, I'm sorry.  Please forgive me.  I'd like a clean slate for the next thirty, so I hope we can consider that score settled.
"cry a little less, laugh a little more"--- I can't make any promises on this one, but I'll try.  I think all of the above changes will help make this possible.
"Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear,"--- Wouldn't we all like to do this?  This is exactly what I want for my children... to live in a world of happiness without the hatred and fear that comes from ignorance.  Even at two (almost three) years old, Hannah has been introduced to prejudice.  THIS DOES NOT COME FROM OUR HOME.  She doesn't understand, and neither do I.  Why can't we all just get along?  I digress.
"Figure out just what I'm doing here, in my next thirty years."--- I'm getting there.  Slowly, but surely I'm finding "my place" in this world.
"Oh my next thirty years I'm gonna watch my weight, eat a few more salads and not stay up so late.  Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers."--- I'm pretty sure I already touched on this one, but I'll say it again.  I'm sick of being unhealthy and out of shape.  NO MORE EXCUSES... I have this written on a post it note on my bathroom mirror.  I see it every morning and it has become my mantra.
"Maybe I'll remember my next thirty years."--- I'm pretty sure he's talking about alcohol induced forgetting.  I don't really have that problem anymore.  I do have a problem remembering things, and it is because I've let myself become disorganized.  My life, home, and mind are all cluttered.  I'm going to start focusing on decluttering in hopes that this will delay the feelings of early onset that I've been experiencing.
"My next thirty years will be the best years of my life."--- This is obvious.  There is nothing better than watching my girls grow up.  Their childhood years will definitely be the best years of my life.
"Raise a little family and hang out with my wife."--- Well, hang out with my hubs, but you get the idea.  It is no secret that I loved growing up in a big family.  Jason and I love our cozy, cute little family of four, but I'm pretty sure we'd both say we're not quite done yet.
"Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear,"---  I've been doing this a lot more lately.  We have been turning off the tv and playing games.  Now that Hannah is a little older this is easier.  She loves to play bingo, have dance parties, and recently has been playing "school" where I'm the teacher and she is the mommy who drops her child (her doll, Jenny) off at school and then goes to work.  She hands me the doll, tells me what activities we will do for the day, and then goes to work at her office (the other side of the room).  It's funny, and a lot more entertaining than most of the shows on tv these days.  Not to mention it means my child is interacting with me rather than sitting on the couch.  I also hope to spend more time with Jason, just us.  We don't do this often enough, or at all really, and it would be nice to have some kid-less time.
"Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years."---  I'm not really sure that I need to make up for lost time, but I am going LIVE more.  I want to do more.  I want to experience more.  I want to try things that make me a little nervous but provide an overwhelming sense of accomplishment (like a marathon, but since I'm terribly out of shape I'll start with a 5K).  I want to take a cooking class.  I want to get my Masters.  I want to learn to sew.  I want to take a road trip in an RV with my family.

Tomorrow I turn the corner to a new decade.  It's a sharp turn, and instead of turning on my blinker and slowing down I think I'll speed up.

Mae Michael is 3 months

snapped with my iphone- sorry about the picture quality!

 There was no doctor's visit this month, so I just have her weight.  She's getting big!  She has almost outgrown all of her 3 month clothes.  Mae Michael is smiling all the time, and love to laugh and coo.  She's not even trying to roll over yet, which is fine with me (I can still lay her in the middle of the bed and not have to worry!).

For your viewing pleasure

These pictures were taken in November.  I used a few of them for Christmas gifts, so I couldn't share them for fear of ruining the surprise!  This is just a sprinkling of the beautiful pictures that we got of the girls...

 

 Pictures taken by Charity Plasse with Carriage House Photography

Mae Michael is 10 weeks

Tomorrow Mae Michael will be 10 weeks old.  She is the best baby... rarely cries.  She sleeps a lot, and has been smiling a lot lately.

At her 2 month appointment the doctor asked us if we were putting her on a stretcher.  She is in the 95th percentile for height, and 75th for weight.  At this point in Hannah's life she was 70th in height and 50th in weight.  So she is considerably bigger than her big sis!

An app for everything... almost.

Almost everyone I know has a device that supports apps.  Every business and institution is jumping on board by creating applications ("apps") that make our lives easier.  I can check into a flight, pay a bill, turn on the lights in my house, and shop from anywhere at anytime.

I don't have a ton of apps, mainly because I only download the free ones, but there are some that I could not live without.  Go ahead, make fun of me, but I need my facebook app.  We don't have a tv in our bedroom, so the late night/early morning feedings would be extremely hard to get through without the company of my facebook friends.  I can catch up on what my friends are doing and look at pictures without disturbing my sleeping hubby.

The other apps I could not manage without? My banking app, Restaurant Nutrition Guide, and Talking Tom Cat (Hannah's favorite).

This morning I was getting Mae Michael dressed for school and she felt a little warm.  I keep her thermometer in a makeup bag with the Tylenol, Mylicon, nasal bulb, Tide pen, you get the drift.  And, that makeup bag lives in the diaper bag, which, most of the time, stays in the car (I have way too much to get into the house when I get home, and if I take it out I'm likely to forget to put it back in the car when we leave again).  So I was thinking how nice it would be to have an app that would take your temperature.  You could just touch the screen and it would tell you if you were sick or fever free.  Someone please develop that for me.

Some other apps that I wish existed?  An "I'll wait on hold for twenty minutes with the gas/power/cable/you name it company and let you know when they pick up" app.  This would add years to my life, seriously.

A "take a quick picture of someone and it will tell you their name, and how you know them" app.  I used to be so good at this.  But now I'm terrible.  I cannot remember anyone's name.  And, it is seriously embarrassing.  I apologize ahead of time if you approach me and I have a deer in the headlights look on my face, but until someone develops this one sorry, I haven't the slightest clue who you are.  Blame it on the lack of sleep.

A "find the nearest clean (to my standards) public restroom" app.  This one would be especially helpful on road trips or when traveling!  Now that I have a potty trained toddler it is not as easy to go run errands anymore.  When she has to go, she has to go.  She can't just hold it until we get home.  Unfortunately, I've had to subject her to some pretty unsightly restrooms.

A "here's what you should wear today" app.  I know I'm not the only one who spends almost as much time picking out my outfit as doing all the other things in my morning routine.  Remember the thing that Cher from "Clueless" had that matched up her outfits for her?  This is what I'm talking about.  It could be kind of like Urban Spoon... just shake and it will match a top, bottom and shoes for you.  Then you could touch the screen for accessory suggestions.  I think I'm on to something with this one.

An "alert you when they are about to call you back at the doctor's office" app.  Similar to the telephone hold app, this one would let you know that they are going to stop wasting your time call you back soon.  You could set it to 10, 5 or 2 minute warning.  That way you could just show up right before instead of at your actual appointment time (which for my doc is usually an hour or so before I get called back to waiting room #2 where I have to wait for another 20 minutes).  Again, YEARS added to my life.

And last, but not least, an "anonymously tell your friends/family what you are really thinking" app.  Ok, this one is going to make me sound mean, but I know everyone else feels the same way, so it's ok.  This app would let you tell anyone anything and it would be 100% anonymous with absolutely no way of it ever getting tracked back to you.  Think your best friend's haircut is not flattering?  Hate your wife's cooking?  Just shoot them an email with this app and it will politely (or rudely if you so choose) tell them for you.  And, you don't have to be the bad guy!

I'm sure I could think of more ways that my iphone could solve my problems, but until it can do laundry, change a diaper, or feed the baby I'd be happy with any of the above suggestions.

Happy?, Thanksgiving

In a year where I have had just about every possible high and low, I'm having mixed emotions about Thanksgiving.  I've struggled this year, and as much as I hate to admit defeat, sometimes I feel defeated.  If I've learned anything in the past twelve months it is that life is truly unpredictable, and just when you think you have it all figured out the shit hits the fan (pardon my poor language).  I've also learned that in order to stay sane you MUST find the good in every situation.

So, even though it has been the hardest year of my life, I'm thankful.

Even though my husband's business closed, I'm thankful that gave us the opportunity to move to Mobile.

Even though it took eleven months and three real estate agents, I'm thankful that our house in Birmingham sold.

Even though he was a stinky pest sometimes, I'm thankful that Jason had such a wonderful companion in Rupert.  He could not have had a better match for a dog.

Even though I feel lonely sometimes, I'm thankful for the dear friends (old and new) who have been there for me these past few months.

Even though I don't participate in our congregation as much as I should/wish I did/plan to, I'm thankful for a Rabbi who puts his own feelings and emotions on hold and stops everything to be by my side when I need him.

Even though our new work schedules don't allow for much time spent together, I'm thankful for a husband who is the best father I know.

Even though the "terrible two's" make an occasional appearance, I'm thankful for a well behaved toddler who is, 95% of the time, easy to parent.

Even though we lived out of boxes and suitcases for three months, I'm thankful for the time that we lived with my parents.  I'm thankful that Hannah saw her Papa every day, and that Jason spent evenings relaxing on the patio with my dad.

Even though I felt lost at my new job, I'm thankful that I got to sit next to my dad and watch him in his element.  He loved that store, too much sometimes, but I'm so thankful he knew that one of his children was going to be working in his business.

Even though it meant having to step foot into a hospital that I REALLY didn't want to go back to, I'm thankful for the incredible level of care I received at Mobile Infirmary.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, went out of their way to make me comfortable, which resulted in an easy delivery and, thank God, a healthy, beautiful baby girl.

Even though she'll never get to meet him, I'm thankful that Mae Michael will carry on the legacy of my dad by bearing his name.

Even though we don't get to see each other as often as we'd like, I'm thankful for a large extended family whose love and support we could not manage to survive without.

Even though they are far geographically, I'm thankful to have siblings who are so close.  You are my best friends.  You make me laugh (mostly at my own expense), you make me mad sometimes, but you GET me, and I don't have to be anyone but me with I'm with you.  Most importantly, you hold my hand and help me to stand strong when it could be so easy to just collapse.

Even though it seems like she keeps getting knocked down, I'm thankful to have a mom who stands back up every time.  I don't know what I would do without you.  You always know what to say and what to do, and although it is hard to admit, you are always right.  You are my sounding board, my shoulder to lean on, my shopping buddy, my date for events, my babysitter, the person I vent to, my biggest critic, and my biggest fan.  You are brave and smart, and I pray that I can be the kind of mother to my children that you have been to us.

And, even though I'm sleep deprived, scatterbrained, and sometimes feeling overwhelmed, I'm most thankful for these two:

You girls are the reason I get out of bed in the morning.  You are the light in this otherwise dark time.  I love watching you grow.  I can't believe you are mine, and I'm so thankful to be your momma.

The big green monster.

I'm talking about jealousy in case you didn't know.

I was going to write a post about jealously until I looked up the definition on dictionary.com.  According to them, jealousy is resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, or against another's success or advantage itself.  They told me that I might be confusing it with envy, so I clicked further.  Their definition of envy is a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, successes, posessions, etc.  This is more like it... I'm not feeling resentment, just covetousness (seriously, that is a word).

So, now I'm talking about envy.  I know it's a sin, thou shall not covet thy neighbor, and all.  But does it count if I envy my two year old?  I mean, she is half me, right?

But seriously, this kid has it made.  Not just for the obvious reasons... but I'll tell you those, too.  She is independent, too smart for her own good, and she has the best hair.  That's right, I said it.  Her hair is amazing.  It is shiny and soft, and it dries straight with just a little bit of curl at the bottom.  And, coming from a curly girl who has struggled her entire life to get hair like her's, that is definitely something to envy!

The real reasons I envy her?  She is going to grow up in a world where being different is not just accepted, it is encouraged.  I don't know exactly what or when this change happened in our society, but watching Glee the other night made realize how huge it really is.  The characters on this show are all very different, and they are celebrated for their differences.  The "high school drama" show that was on when I was growing up?  90210.  There ain't nothin' to celebrate about those characters (dont' get me wrong, I love me some 90210, I just don't want my child to grow up to be a Brenda, Donna, or Kelly.)  I do want my child to grow up to be proud of who she is, whatever that may be.

She can aspire to be President of our country and it not just be a silly dream.  Although there are some crazy women in politics right now, there are some pretty great ones, too.  And I'm certain, by the time she is old enough to understand we will have/have had a female president.

She won't have to "go" green... things like recycling, buying local and conserving energy will be her norm.  It's funny how things slowly creep down south.  My cousins in Connecticut have been recycling for ages and we just thought they were crazy/cruncy northerners (no offense ya'll).  There is still not citywide recycling here, but we are moving in that direction, and we do have curbside pick up for paper in our neighborhood.  I love that buying local is the "cool" thing to do now, too, and not just because I work for one.  Helping the local economy is so important, especially for making this place a greater place to live for our children.

I know my kids will have opportunities that I didn't.  I just hope that I can be the kind of parent that finds the right lesson in everything that they do.

And, here are some pictures of my crazy two year old since I know that is what you are really here for!